These articles appeared in this issue:
To quote my friend George Tabb, "So there I was..." ...wading in a small lake of Kiwi Strawberry flavored Snapple at my lunch table, surrounded by my "friends", who were, of course, laughing their asses off. Snapple, so they claim, is made from the best stuff on earth. Their bottles, on the other hand are made by the dumbest person they could drag off the street. Profanities, naturally, were abound and thick. "But let me back up a bit..."
It was the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month (that's Nov.11 at 11AM for those of you who are checking your notes). The first day of Mardi Gras. I love Mardi Gras. The only excuse for excessive drinking that is better than Mardi Gras is St. Patrick's Day, which usually coincides with Mardi Gras, making for a coup de grace of drinking enjoyment. However, at this particular time, I was languishing in school, unable to reach a state of modest inebriation. About three days before, I had sworn to stop using profane language beginning November 11th. Why, you ask? I wanted to go out with this girl who seemed a bit disturbed by my constant use of colorful metaphor. So I decided to stop (I did make a provision for swearing on paper, which I deemed to be all-fucking-right.). What a horrible day to do that.
So anyway, I sat down with my meager lunch of an industrial-packaged meat product sandwich and my trusty bottle of Kiwi Strawberry Snapple. Somewhere along the line, the wimpy glass that encased my hearty beverage had contracted an infinitesimal crack, visible only under high-powered microscopes. As I twisted off the cap, I noticed the lack of safety cap popping sound, indicating immediately that something was wrong. Before I had time to react, 100% natural beverage was gushing forth from the bottom of the bottle, where the microscopic crack had grown to the size of a Grand Canyon. I had said the words "fuck" and "shit" at least forty times each before the bottle was even empty.
The moral of the story: Never stop swearing. Ever. And don't buy Snapple.
Points Of Light:
Yesterday as I arrived home from school, I noticed some weird looking stuff in the driveway that looked a bit like epoxy. Being curious, I went and checked it out, and to my unamazement I found that someone had written my first name in what looked to be shaving cream. I wasn't sure what to think, so I headed back to the house, only then to notice what looked like another pile of shaving cream sitting next to a tree in my front yard. Upon inspection, I found it was no shaving cream pile, but rather two crudely made dolls of myself. Eureka! Some sort of odd debauchery from a couple of pranksters. Written on these dolls was again my name and the words "punk poser" [sic]. They also took the liberty of putting some glasses and hair on these. Hm. Very interesting. Well, anyways, I threw away the dolls, which had been quite craftily made of toilet paper, straws, and Scotch tape. Which brings me to the question: why would they call it Scotch tape when it tastes and looks nothing like Scotch? I have still found no satisfactory answers to this question, but I think a better question can be brought out of all of this: exactly what is a poseur?
Before I indulge in answering, I think I should tell you that a p-o-s-e-r is a puzzling question according to my dictionary; so, folks, let's start spelling it right - it is p-o-s-e-u-r.
Today in what you may call the punk scene, or youth scheme of things, the word is being highly overused by people who have not thought too hard about what they're saying and probably don't understand the implications. For you purists, a poseur is really someone who does what s/he does for show or for effect. Put that into practical terms and it's someone who's following the status quo (or going against) - but only for show or for effect. In other practical terms, it can be someone who dresses a certain way or listens to certain music just for effect. What is implied here is that the poseur is not true to who s/he is - they merely step outside the lines of themselves in order to impress, intimidate, or even scare others. In some ways, this brings up something that had been overlooked before: we really can't judge who poseurs are or aren't because we don't know who they truly are or whether they're overstepping their true personality - although far too often it seems evident.
So then who's fault is it that poseurs exist? Mankind has produced an air that people need to fit in, make friends, and sometimes this means not being yourself so that you'll fit into certain norms of being. That truly is a heaping pile of burning dung. But in today's compartmentalized society, youth culture has divided itself into cliques that are overly defined. Existence as someone accepted by peers can be pretty difficult if you don't fit into any of these drawers. The irony there is that most of the people who fit merely forced themselves to fit to be accepted. Youth culture often makes me sick. All these stupid modes of dressing and even stupider music which it makes so popular. And this is the correct age for society's brainwashing of us to come full circle. We're now the big guys and we've got a job and enough spare cash to be some great consumers. And The Clash proved this back in '79 that "he who fucks nuns will later join the church."
I don't have much left to say except, "What the fuck happened to Green Day?" Even the worst of poseurs call them sell-outs nowadays. Whatever happened to respectable poseurs who listened to Green Day music and wear Nirvana T-shirts? By the way, if anyone cares, there is a great little pop ditty which Green Day wrote on their new Insomniac album, which I have had the pleasure of hearing and seeing the video. It's a hooky as hell song which is well done - but still it's Green Day and they're still sell-outs.
Originally my friend The Mystic said he would build a web page for this zine. However, over time, I realized that nothing was getting done, so in a true spirit of D.I.Y., I relieved The Mystic of his obligations and took it upon myself to build a web page for EIIGY POCR OFF.
Obstacle #1: Jay Arrgh, intelligent as he is, does not know HTML (hyper text markup language). However, in a true spirit of D.I.Y. and stubbornness, he takes it upon himself to learn. I called up the National Center for Supercomputing Applications' Introduction to HTML website. I would give you the URL, but this page was almost totally useless to me, simply because it was written by the kind folk at the National Center for Supercomputing Applications!!! It is at this juncture that The Mystic's intervention kept me from committing hari-kari. He gave me a book called Teach Yourself Web Publishing With HTML In A Week by Laura Lemay (Sams Publishing, copyright 1995). This book was a bit less confusing than the NCSA website, but still pretty complicated for a dunce like me. However, I gleaned enough from it to build a primitive web page.
Obstacle #2: Where the hell am I going to put this on the World Wide Web? Most spaces on the web are provided by either corporations or educational institutions. Since I am not in college and have no money to spend on buying Internet space, I seemed to be stuck in a rut. Then I remembered something The Mystic had told me: there are places on the web where space is given to members of a group for free. So I became a Tripod member. (http://www.tripod.com) There is also the group that The Mystic belongs to, GeoCities (http://www.geocities.com). The setup at GeoCities is rather interesting: the space is divided into "communities" and each member gets a "house". I am considering building my own personal "house" there. (Visit the Mystic! http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/1252)
Obstacle #3: I forgot HTML already! There I sat in front of the computer typing with one hand while frantically searching for the next little thing that I needed in the book. After many trials and tribulations, I had it: EIIGY POCR OFF Online. (https://members.tripod.com/~jayarrgh/epo.html)
Eventually, I hope to make this page one of the best out there. I already have a complete background on EPO and articles from our back issues. We also have a growing links page with everything from punk to politics. In the future, I intend to include some of Thaddeus Maximus' artwork on the page, as well as some interactive stuff. Next time you're surfin' the 'net, go to the address below and make a bookmark. https://members.tripod.com/~jayarrgh/epo.html
Online editorís note: Youíre already here, so bookmark it now!
Here's somthing for you to ponder: Do you really matter? And by this I mean, does your opinion make any difference to those corrupt bastards in washington d.c? (Yes I know I neglected to capitalize w.d.c, out of lack of respect, I refuse to do so.)
Unless you're filthy rich and/or crazy and delusional, the answer is: No! Let us take for example, the presidential race. (Due to the fact that society is generally idiotic, Perot, the best of the candidates [Don't get me wrong he still sucks royal dick] could not possibly get elected, so in the political sense, he doesn't matter, so we'll ignore him.)
I say to you: does it really matter who got elected? No, it never did in the past, our policy toward the u.s.s.r. (I hated them too.) never changed during the entire cold war. And think of the presidents during those years who were considered "good": Truman, Ike, Kennedy (I don't agree, especially on this last one.) With this in mind, do you think either candidate could really do anything differently? Of course not! They'll get in power, lie their asses off, get rich off bribes and the sweat of many a hard worker, and leave laughing at you , the american (No fuckin' respect.) people, fortunately, I'm not an "american." This is just like everyone else that ever "made it."
So, I now leave you to ponder this contoversial article, and I ask you: what are you going to do about the fact that you don't matter? Are you going to deny it and go through life not making a difference? Are you going to accept it but not do anything about it? Are you going to go to a rock n' roll store, make everyone think you're some anarchist punk, when in reality your just another nobody? Or are you going to make yourself heard, voicing your opinions in any way you can? If you do, I implore you to find an unbiased means of doing so, like EIIGY POCR OFF or another zine published by people actually trying to make a difference and not simply bowing before the almighty dollar.
Editor's Note: We would just like to clarify a few things. First of all, EIIGY POCR OFF is committed to making a difference, but we are far from unbiased. The difference is that we are willing to listen to the other side, whereas the government ignores everyone equally in accordance with the Constitution. Another thing, we will always reject capitalist values, but money is necessary to produce things like this. To be frank, we're deeper in the red than a spill at the blood plasma center. Don't get the impression that we're begging; spreading the word is worth the debt. -J.A.
Okay, people. I know you're reading this. Why not write for this? In case you hadn't noticed, we are becoming more and more dependent on public domain material. Plus, it's getting difficult for me to write all of this filler trash. We would eventually like to expand to 20 or 24 pages. This cannot be accomplished without your contributions! So send them!
Here's what we won't take:
Here's what we will take:
Stipulations:
Send submissions to address on back cover, or e-mail to: epo@cryogen.com Thanx a bunch.