These articles appeared in this issue:
This monthís topic: Rationalizing small-time dictatorships.
At least, thatís what our "staff" thinks I will be doing here. Actually, I do have to make a short announcement. Effective immediately, I, Jay Arrgh, am the editor-in-chief (or as Thaddeus Maximus astutely observed, "dictator general") of EIIGY POCR OFF. This is, however, not a promotion. I will have no new responsibilities. I will still be in charge of layout, screening submissions (not a very hard job, since barely anyone writes for us), doing copy and print work, and distrubution. Basically, all the jobs of a D.I.Y. zine editor. The only things I donít do are draw and write peopleís articles for them. All of the minute details about this publication are my work, so get on your knees and kiss my ass.
Okay, Iíll admit, this job isnít as hard as it seems, but it dominates my time toward the middle of the month. Luckily, Iíve got a job where I can get almost any days off that I want. Unfortunately, this job pays shit and the conditions are even worse. The only two reasons I keep it are that I absolutely need the money and itís really easy to make the managers look stupid (Most of them are already.).
Iím still wondering if I have a point; I think I lost it up there somewhere. See, itís true: once you become an editor, you lose any and all writing talent you may have had. Oh well, letís move on.
Points of Light:
* Ebonics for "The Meaning of Life Can Be Found In Dust".
And the guy went home, having hurt everyone's feelings but his own, without really having to try at it, or at anything that came natural to him because when something comes natural to you, you don't indeed have to work for it, but that's just human nature. And was he really such a bad man for taking pleasure in watching others suffer? He was subtle alright. You couldn't prove anything about this guy. A lot of people even respected this loser. But that's another natural point of our human existence: when we lick the asshole of the guy who has the largest gelatin mold...or mould.
I saw a lot of them walking around with brown tongues-brown, smelly and hairy-they couldn't scrape the hair off. They hate this guy. But that's yet another point I must make clear-it is not right to hate someone who has authority in front of their face. You will soon learn about the natural existence of power influences within contemporary society when this is tried.
At home he was in the presence of other men in his same disposition. You may call it a profession, but for him it was nearly an excuse to avoid reality for this lifetime. And God (Lord Bog) looked down and up and sideways on him and said everything an nothing without saying anything. Words are clumsy. They are weak. We don't understand them, yet we use them relentlessly. They are mere abstractions of reality to explain our reality which is unreality.
The man in question was a human, with fault and pomposity. By profession, he was not quite the ideal of his profession. But perhaps he was not meant to be a human, rather an evolutionary mistake-infinitely bland, unspecial-and he knew about a lot of stuff, but it did not deepen his life. He thought a lot about what the important things were in his reality, but he was unable to think; instead he was proficient in cataloguing, processing and compartmentalizing.
And though a neat-nick, his office was always a mess. I went in there once before the infirmary began. The five minute difference in our realities was not pleasing to him, and he did not hesitate to make this point clear to me. His desk was virtually empty except for stacks of papers and junk, but not surprisingly, there were no pictures, no family, no friends, nothing, no sentiment, not even sand. Just an empty life.
Bog didn't really care. He cared by not caring because that's how it works. Bog is smaller than a grain of sand, yet in our terms we cannot comprehend his size, it's too large. By writing big books about him, we have created him an alter-ego. He doesn't care though. He's not the least bit surprised so many people have bought into these theories. When he found us he wasn't surprised either. He had been power napping when we exploded and started prancing around.
Don't worry about it though. Dust will never disappoint you. People will.
Side Notes:
That's all for now; happy masturbating!
I just have one thing to add to the "Poseur" article by Thaddeus in the December issue. I'm pretty sure that every person in this world is a poseur. Don't pretend that you have lived your whole life according to standards you set for yourself. You DID change your habits to meet persons' ideas of what you should be like at some point in your life. If you didn't dress up all nicely to go to church with your mum you probably changed your behavior to meet the expectations of some girl (or boy). I guess this makes you a poseur. See, I really don't want to criticize that. How could I? You have to make some compromises to prevent yourself from going insane in this society. But everybody should realize, that he doesn't meet his ideals all the time, or that he takes over ideals blindly because they come from somebody he thinks to be cool. You have to be critical towards yourself. Only if you notice where society forces you to conform with something you wouldn't normally accept you can try and change it. So you shouldn't behave like a dork just to impress some girl (or boy). You might (hey, I like that word!) start thinking about why (s-)he would be impressed by this kind of behavior, you might ask her (him) why (s-)he's impressed by dorks. If (s-)he's worth your efforts, (s-)he might start reflecting about her (his) expectations toward guys (girls). If she tells you to EIIGY POCR OFF, just leave. It's just one other poor soul that has been corrupted by this shitty life in this shitty world.
I like Green Day. I liked Nirvana. Both bands had started their careers with ideals to fight for (yes, even Green Day. They started out on Lookout Records, which is definitely not a sellout like Epitaph and Co.) and it was kind of interesting to see how the Record Industry, as a part of our capitalistic system, corrupted these bands. We, the future of Rock'n'Roll, should always keep these examples in mind, as they show that it is nearly impossible to fight the system from within.
Currently some Germ(an)s seem to start believing that fascism was a cool idea after all. These idiots want to force radio stations to play a certain amount of music containing German lyrics (like 50%, or something). Of course, quite a lot of German musicians like this idea. They have every reason to. Their music sucks and no one with a microgram of sanity left in his mind would put their music on the air. A law like that would be pure fascism, because it would tell people what music they have to listen to. But what do I expect from a country that has a long tradition of suppressing people.
That's it for now.
The Black Ribbon Campaign is still on, but our strategy has slightly changed. The boycott on WXUT has been lifted. Feel free to listen to WXUT as often as you wish. However, you will find that, for the most part, WXUT blows! (of course there are always exceptions: Innovations in Buggery [Tuesdays, 10PM-12 midnight], The Sanitarium [Saturdays 12 midnight-3AM], and The Total Experience [Mondays, 12 midnight-2AM] come to mind.) Since the majority of WXUT's programming has gone down, down, down in quality and diversity, we ask you to call in to WXUT at one of the numbers listed below and tell them what you think is cool and what you think sucks and tell them to play more of what you want to hear and to do it now. Or, in the words of former WXUT staffer Angus R. Pendergrass, "call the station and tell them what they want to hear, if the dj is saying he's gonna play Pearl Jam, call and request Jello Biafra. If you hear Lump -- call and tell them it sucks."
Don't allow college radio to fall into the pit of commercial radio's fascist "alternative" format. Thanks to Angus Pendergrass for the info.
My philosophy is based on two points. The first one is, that as a matter of fact, I am superior to other people. If I do a thing, it is a priori right. If I donít do a thing, I do this for good reasons that sometimes are not even known to me. This implies, of course, that YOU too are inferior, as long as you donít have the same philosophy as me. You may see a flaw in these ideas, which is that, for example, you, as a follower of my philosophy, were right at some point and I, the inventor of the whole thing, was wrong. This is where the second point kicks in, Every single aspect of this is to be filtered through irony and sarcasm. Thus, you can never be sure whether I really mean a thing.
This philosophy opens up zillions of possibilities in life. You can actually take part in wild orgies one day and be a member of "Youth Against Sex Afore Marriage" the other day. Because: When you took part in the orgy, you felt superior, because you knew it was wrong and your taking part was not for funís sake, but you wanted to make fun of these poor souls (at least thatís what youíd tell your mates at YASAM!). To all the girls you meet at the next orgy you tell, of course, what a big joke YASAM is, and that you never took them seriously anyway. This is pretty cool. You can make the all-important contacts with future presidents at YASAM and still have fun at weird places. Of course your conscience might get confused in this process, but if you follow the idea of personal superiority, this wonít happen. Of course, you never took anybody at these events seriously because you knew that theyíre mindless idiots anyway. But, hey, you were friendly enough to stay with them anyway (thatís what you tell yourself). If you follow this system, you canít be disappointed by anyone. Youíre the only person sane enough to rely on anyway, why should you put faith into friends? You just use everybody. And have the best time of your life, because, in addition to all the fun you have taking part in all kinds of weird events, you can make fun of everybody.
Now that I think about it.....I fear that my idea isnít THAT new. If you come to look at it, it seems like America has been working with this kind of philosophy throughout its existence. Scheisse.
YASAM is my invention, of course, but I fear that there really might be people who would join a group like that. (I, personally, follow the principle of NOMABESE [NO MArriage BEfore SEx])
Editorís Note: We here at EIIGY POCR OFF have known P.R. for nearly a year, and we have never, ever, taken him seriously. We suggest you do the same. -J.A.